sugar will not be my undoing

I just finished updating my MFP food journal for today, and damn, I was seriously into sugar. Considering that I’m clearly addicted to sweets, I’m not surprised that my body wanted nothing but sugar today. I did quite well yesterday, and was way, way under, so I suppose that my subconscious self was like, “I need ALL of the sugar.” I went over my sugar allowance by 28 grams. Wowza.

Rather than be upset at myself, I accept it. This wasn’t a great week for me, which is par for the course for February. Last February sucked, and so does this one. WTF, February? Why is there no love between us?

Rather than dwell on my failure to stay within my limit, I’m going to look at what made me do this. It wasn’t necessarily a lack of self-control, because despite my YOLO-ing hard on sweet drinks (more on what I consumed in a second), I was feeling terrible. I’m not ready to discuss what’s bumming me out, but I acknowledge how it’s making me feel in order to fully address and correct my behavior. I struggle with emotional eating, and since I’m limiting my intake, I’ve traded eating calories for drinking them instead.

Obviously, I wanted a sugar high. My roommate and I went on a little Starbucks run this afternoon, and since I had a free reward (I am never without these!), I got a Trenta-sized strawberry acai refresher with lime juice. Refreshers, despite being amazing, are seemingly healthier and obviously marketed toward people who are about that healthy lifestyle. I mean, who wouldn’t fall for something that only has a 100 calories and pieces of fruit?

In reality, while they are much lower in calories than say, an iced green tea latte, they are total sugar bombs.

Given that I’d only had blueberries up to that point, the massive drink and it’s 41(!) grams of sugar that I downed in two seconds was excessive, but still not a problem. It wasn’t until I had indulged in a couple of tasty adult beverages that I went over the sweetened edge.

I didn’t think much of doing it at the time, since I knew the calorie counts of the two drinks I had, and knew that I was still under my calories for the day. A friend and I were toasting the end of a rough week, and I paid little attention to what I put in my mouth.

Again, rather than beat myself up, I’m going to resolve to pay closer attention to the things I’m drinking in addition what I eat.

I’m also going to pay closer attention to my emotional needs, because this eating drinking until I don’t feel bad anymore thing is played and I’m tired of it. If that means I need to talk to someone about how I feel, then so be it. If it means I need to be honest with myself in front of the entire internet, then that works, too.

I’m still working on my blog, and myself. I hate to start things off on such a negative note, but no one said the road to better health was an easy one.




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